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Tuesday, November 10, 2015

Bigfoot (Not) Captured: Yet Another Fake Crypto "Documentary"

History. Animal Planet. Discovery.

These TV channels have angered me many times in the past few years.

Last night, History aired Bigfoot Captured. This is my review (or, more specifically, rant) on the show. There will be some spoilers here, so if you actually want to watch it and see what happens (ore doesn't happen), you've been warned.

The show starts off with some guy talking about how he wants to be the first guy to capture a Bigfoot. He is then interviewing someone who says they saw Bigfoot seven years ago. They stay in the area where the guy supposedly had a sighting. Then, at night, (of course!), they hear something. And then they hear it on the other side of them. And then they're running around in the dark and cussing and such, and the show moves on.

Next, the filmmaker meets up with some "Bigfoot hunters" who are going out to look for the creature. They set up some trail cameras. Of course they find footprints. That night they hear screaming out in the woods. The guy wakes up an anthropologist with them. He whoops back at the "Bigfoot." The "head" guy on the team wakes up. He gets angry at the guy whooping. Cue more yelling and cussing.

The next morning, you see some trees moving on their trail camera 1. You then see trail camera 2, with nothing. Then it gets to camera 3, which is knocked off the tree, and then rolled over, and you see a fake Bigfoot face. Then they find some broken branches. Then they find a tiny "teepee" structure with a deer skin inside. Then they find a giant teepee structure. Again, cue more yelling and cussing.

Theres a part with the filmmaker walking with another guy who claims he saw Bigfoot. Then you hear a cow. And they think it's Bigfoot. If they tricked anyone with that, I don't know what to say.

Then I stopped watching.

There are parts with Jeff Meldrum and John Bindernagel, who didn't know what kind of show they were getting involved with. They actually showed Dr. Meldrum making his 3D Bigfoot skeleton, which is pretty cool. I haven't seen the part with Bindernagel yet but I hear it's pretty much the same as Meldrum - tricked into a fake documentary by being told it's real.

Jim Vorel does a good job of taking the show down on pastemagazine.com, and you can see his article here.  He's got a picture on there of the obviously CGI Sasquatch they "caught" on the show. And he tells how it ends, too. I guess I don't have to sit through the whole thing. Thank goodness!

Apparently the "researchers" are chased and have boulders thrown at them. Apparently then they "capture" a Bigfoot. Apparently the phrase "I don't think you locked the cage!" is said. Apparently the scientists spend ten days tracking Bigfoot to forget to lock the cage its in before they go to sleep. Maybe they should have brought in the AIMS team to help.

And, right at the end you apparently get to see the team of "scientists" (A.K.A. actors) putting up signs that say "Lost: One Sasquatch. Answers to Urrrrrrggghaaa."

What I have to say is: DON'T WATCH THIS. Yes, it has Jeff Meldrum and John Bindernagel. But Russian Yeti had Jeff Meldrum, too. Besides from the parts with them, the whole thing is fake. As I said at the beginning of this post, Animal Planet, History, and Discovery have angered me quite a few times since 2013 with their fake "documentaries" on mermaids, megalodon, Russian Yeti, and, sadly, now even Bigfoot of the Pacific Northwest.

Seriously, these channels are supposed to be educational. And they used to be. But now, they pretty much air a bunch of crap. And most of it doesn't have to do with animals, history, or anything. It's just half- or- fully scripted TV shows about people that do things that might involve animals in some way. Or it just involves cutting down what little forestland is left on the earth, with the usual dose of too much cussing.

Again, don't watch Bigfoot Captured. I've already wasted five hours or so of my life watching Yeti and Megalodon and Mermaids. And this time, I decided enough was enough. I didn't waste two hours watching fake Bigfoot, too.

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